I’ve been running on fumes.
SAYA’s growing. The work’s sharper. We’ve got more clarity, more strength, more money. But there’s this dull, constant ache I can’t shake—the sense that I should be doing more. That I’m watching the world burn while trying to build something good in my corner of it.
The first year of SAYA was exhilarating. We launched, experimented, iterated. It was messy and creative in all the right ways. Now, in year two, things feel steadier. The work is clearer, the foundations are stronger. But with that comes more systems, more responsibility. Thrilling, yes, but heavy, too.
Some days I’m fired up. Other days, I’m just tired. Restless. Anxious. Burnt out. Not from the work, but from the world.
My country has become unrecognizable (F*ck ICE, the Orange Man, and the politicians who enable the daily school shootings). The genocide in Palestine. Kids trafficked across borders or exploited online by systems we still pretend are “neutral.”
And then there’s our industry. The one that never shuts up but somehow stays quiet where it matters. We’ve got the loudest voices online, and yet the same people keep showing up to represent governments that fund violence and genocide. It’s hard not to question what role we play in all this.
I’ve been talking to others in the industry who feel the same way. They want to walk away from the companies they’ve helped build because they’re tired of working for people whose values they don’t share. They’re stuck between ethics and paychecks. Between what’s right and what keeps the lights on.
I get it.
I didn’t build SAYA to be loud. I built it to mean something—to use our work and relationships to build better systems, better stories, better opportunities across Southeast Asia. For the good guys.
But, lately, even with that clarity, I feel wobbly. The mud feels thicker. The world feels heavier. And while I know that focusing on what’s in front of me—our work, my kids, my health—matters, I keep wondering if it’s still enough.
I used to believe it was. That influencing what’s closest to you—raising good humans, building an honest company, helping people operate with a growth mindset—was enough.
But as the world gets louder and crueler, that belief gets harder to hold. It feels small. Almost naïve. I keep asking myself: When the big systems are breaking, what good is building smaller, intentional ones of our own?
I don’t have an answer. Just an ache. All I can do is keep showing up and asking what “enough” looks like.
This feeling is a very live curveball for me, and I know I’m not the only one who feels it. Tell me: How are you managing the ache and still finding a way to show up for your own 'enough'?